Saturday, 30 May 2009

so I dub thee unforgiven

Just having one of those days where I feel like I could break down at any moment, been close a few times too- yet I don't even know the cause, if there is one. Most likely many small things over a long time.

The barbeque yesterday was great though, I had an awesome time and I'm very thankfully to Annie for inviting me, probably should've drank a little less though, although I didn't do anything stupid.

Seems it's never too late to make good friends.

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel is just a freight train coming your way...

Thursday, 28 May 2009

something someone showed me

Stop being a people pleaser. Don't bend over backwards to accommodate everyone except yourself. If you identify with the "nice guy" dilemma, you're probably a kind person who loves to help people, and that's wonderful. But don't be so humble that you become a slave to everyone else's needs and expectations. It's healthy to have your own needs and goals, and to fulfill them and help others at the same time, without putting someone else's priorities way above yours. Avoid "parasitic" relationships where you give, give, give and never get. Strive to form mutually beneficial relationships.

- someone on the internet.

Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Swimming through the void we hear the word..

...we lose ourselves but we find it all.

Struggling to find something to strive for lately.
Sounds weird but I don't know, I don't feel like I have anything to pursue - all my hopes often seem in vain and it makes it very difficult to find a goal and motivation to follow it through.

I often struggle to put my feelings into words on this blog and this isn't any different.
Wish I could make sense.

Tuesday, 19 May 2009


I've been noticably less worried than I had expected about these exams, so I guess that's good, as it helps me relax a bit.

So far we've had Art, which I think went pretty well over all, I got what I needed to finished.
RS, I feel that went pretty well too, possible A, but definitely a B I reckon.
Maths Non Calc which I was very pleased with. I'm pretty bad at Maths (well, really bad) and I found it pretty easy, and answered all but 2 or 3 questions. If the grade boundaries aren't too high, I might even get an A, but that's being very optimistic. A B would make my day.
English Lit went well, although I didn't get everything I wanted into the last part of the second section. I wrote 10 pages which I found astounding, hopefully not much of it was rubbish and once again I may get an A.
Finally, ICT. I feel, again, that went pretty well. I was expecting death after the mock exam, but this is the first paper, which is known to be the easier one. I know atleast one question I got wrong, but hopefully some good marks on there. A or B again.

Overall I'm quite happy with how the exams are going thus far, and only one more tomorrow for 45 minutes then a big break for half term which I'll definitely get some revision in.

On a more negative note, my hayfever is back in action and I'm having to request tissue in exams. :(

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

this is horrible

Jesus christ, this is the most depressing thing ever.

5:50am, not been to sleep, won't be going to sleep.
Have to skip all lessons to work on this..

Why didn't I do my coursework during the year? I seriously currently hate my life because of it.

Monday, 11 May 2009

what a shame we all became such fragile broken things

Definitely a Paramore night tonight.

ICT Coursework till the early hours.
Art Exam is finally over mind you, and with it, Art in general, but I'll still go into the lesson on Wednesday to see what he says to us, I hope it will be good.
RS Exam tomorrow; I've not revised one bit, I've had no chance whatsoever. I'm going in tomorrow though, maybe I will absorb some knowledge.

It's unfortunate that I'm still finding out who my friends are this close to the end of school, but that's life.

Not much is good right now.

I won't let you
Let you give up on a miracle
Cause it might save you

Sunday, 10 May 2009

can it get much worse?

Constant coursework, exams, and now my family might be destroyed.

Saturday, 2 May 2009

the hardest part this troubled heart has never yet been through now

i wish, i really wish, that i could just be happy with who i am, how i look, how i act, but i cant. i wish i didnt feel so worthless, i wish i had a sense of purpose, motivation, sense of pride, confidence, but i dont. i wish i had something, someone worth fighting for, worth giving it all for, but i havent.

Friday, 1 May 2009

feeling really fucking useless

been asleep again for hours after school; mainly cause there's no reason to be awake, i dont seem to be much use to anyone once someone better comes along despite everything.