some lyrics i don't fancy finding tonight.

Friday and Saturday have been better.

It's interesting seeing how things are when you're not around, although I felt a little helpless but it's best to see them pan out and sort themselves out.

I want to feel appreciated, wanted, mentioned.

How selfish of me.

just lucky we're alive

My mind is all messed up again.

Spring is finally kicking in and I really like the good weather, it's less depressing than freezing cold. Lunch was quite pleasant, it was nice to be sat on the steps again with everyone there, but I felt kinda out of place for some reason, I just ended up trying to go to sleep when Ellie had gone in but I was thinking too much so I didn't actually fall asleep, but someone stroked my hair which was nice, I think it was Annabel.

Things remind me of late summer last year when I was still with Annabel, just having someone to hug, cuddle, kiss, whenever and know they would appreciate it, except today I was just kind of sat there, I just want to feel special to someone..

And finally, a ridiculous amount of coursework isn't helping things, along with slow music, everything just gets to me every once in a while, and there's nothing anyone can do really, but I appreciate if someone tries.

I just want a hug right now off my best friend.. one day I'll find some way to express how much I love her.

el fin de semana

This weekend has been a good one :)  I'm becoming rapidly closer with Sam and it's great, he's such a good friend to me and he always eats his tea, and everything else in sight ;D

Friday we arrived home after non uniform day, inwhich I didn't get to see Ellie unfortunately :(  Warhammer Club was alright actually, Amy Revans was there and was fun to talk to, as was Jason Allen, and I also aquainted myself with Claire Tarpey who seems nice, and is quite attractive!

We had some funs, playing on xbox and that, and ate minstrels :)  it was good, and we went to bed quite early, liek, 1.30am!

Saturday we got up early because the kids outside were playing, so I rushed onto the PC so I would get the good chair :)  then we checked train times and stuff, then I was really late at getting ready so we was going to miss the train, but we got the bus instead, which was quite long, and I told Sam about Lady Jane's Health Studio :'D  then we got to Manchester and got off the bus and liek, this totally gorgeous girl got off :P  anyway, irrelevant from that, we had a good day of shopping around and stuff, I bought some new kissy boxers from Topman, and then we got into Watchmen with Annabel, which was awesome (YES, DR. MANHATTAN HAS A PENIS, GET OVER IT), then we were on the way home, and Sam bought some sweatbands for £5 from Topman, and some guys in there thirties bought one of Sam for £20 (LOL) and he made his made bet to wear it for 6 months, ALL THE TIME (even during sex!). Then we went home and my mum had bought us some big bottles of Smirnoff Ice, so we drunk those and were having fun and stuff.

Sunday we got up early again and didn't miss the train this time. We went into Manchester and went straight to the food court, and consumed more food, except before that we saw the St. Patrick Day's Parade, and struggled aimlessly to find a way into the Arndale. Then we met with Jason Allen and we wondered Manchester aimlessly again, then sat outside a pub and consumed our other 2 big bottles between us, which was fun :)  then we got MORE food and began home on the train, and this rather attractive girl sat next to me.

Then when we got off, we wondered back up home, walking from Hollinwood to my house for the forth time. Achey legs :'D  We got home and Sam had a quick game on COD 4 before his dad came, which was sad :(  oh and Sam threw his bag near the train station, and a Smirnoff bottle smashed :')

And the rest of the night I've just been chatting happily to my friends, and showing Ellie my new boxers ^_^  

It's been a good weekend, I've met a girl on msn called Shannen from Scotland who's rather fun to talk to :)  and I met Claire who seems nice, and I'm still having fun talking to Ella, and Sam is awesome, and I love Ellie to bits so much :) JUNE ;D

This has been a good change

what i want

someone to love, someone who loves me.

someone to miss, someone who misses me.

someone to care for, someone who cares for me.

someone to listen to, someone who listens to me.

someone to understand, someone who understands me.

someone to hold, someone to hold me.

someone to be myself with, someone who can be themself with me.

someone to help when they're down, someone who helps me when i'm down.

someone to give attention, someone who gives attention to me.

someone to love, someone who loves me.

and i don't want to make a fuss about it, but it's far too much to ask.

where i was lost for good in outer space.

Pretty bad day over all. My sleep last night was terrible, kept waking and thinking and not being able to sleep again, it's like one of the worst things ever because there's nothing you can do.
Then in Art I got wound up about how I work slowly and ended up snapping and being grumpy outside at my friends, although I was told 'all girls are more sensitive than boys' which, while being ironic, really got to me, although I tried not to say anything; sorry to anyone I upset though, I didn't mean it.
Spanish, as usual, was bad. Once again a late homework and then we spent the whole double doing a listening test (which I did surprisingly well in).
Business Studies we had another double lesson test which I finished early, although Jake and Callum cheered me up at the start by finding me funny, heh.
Got my resit results at the start of lunch and now I have 3 B's in all of them, which is still lower than what I expected but there's not much point in dwelling on it, it was my own fault for not revising as usual. Then just sat in Sam's form room having a chat which was different.. I prefer being outside.
End of lunch then I had physics which I was clearly depressed in, he didn't even mind that I'd not done the homework and that I was listening to my iPod (Kill The Messenger - Jack's Mannequin), and I went to the toilet and just sat for a bit and thought out of the way.
End of the day was Art which was also depressing, I nearly cried when I realized how behind I am on coursework, especially with everything else on my mind pushing closer. Also went to the toilet a few times just to sit and reflect on things, strange that no one asked what was wrong considering everyone was having a laugh and I was in the corner with my iPod on.
Mergg, there's more to it, this sounds pretty pathetic really, but I just can't work out shit right now.

Last night was great though, the gig was amazing and being with the people I were with was fantastic, thanks everyone.

So it begins

Not really sure why I decided to make one of these, I guess I figured it'd help me establish and access what's on my mind rather than everyone else's clogging up my own.

Listening to emotive music never helps but I find it relaxing, although when I reflect on the situation it seems awfully depressing- piano driven music, lonely room, one light on, late night, alone. 

I do get lonely you know, often.. that's why I like to stay with Sam, his family are fantastic and it prevents this situation exactly, my thoughts invading and making me somewhat edgy in a 'meh' kind of way. I can lean on my desk with my eyes closed and know I won't fall asleep for the thoughts clouding my mind.. not that I really want to fall asleep on my desk.

I like a line from Creep by Radiohead, and have been thinking that especially tonight.

I want you to notice when I'm not around

Or more to the point really, I just wonder if people think about me from time to time, and hopefully they're not bad things, but whether they are or they aren't, they're spending that time thinking of me.

I don't care what you think as long as it's about me

Good old Fall Out Boy eh? Considering I never used to like them at all I've grown quite fond of them, they're good for making me feel better. Except, I do care. Unfortunately.

But I better finish this up as it's dragging out and becoming a tire for anyone who has the misfortune of reading this, but my conclusion for tonight is that, how often to people think, or talk about you? Or me, in this case. Let's make this one about me for a change, although if you can relate it to yourself, even better. I'd just like to have this hope that people consider me from time to time- I'd like to think I don't parade myself or try and grab attention like many people, but subtley try and help my friends, which sounds big headed.

Mergg, I type about nothing at all.

Thanks for reading, anyone.